Hard Lesson – Three
Quitting is not an Option
For those of you who think suicide is some sort of noble deed requiring great courage, I say this: Killing yourself accomplishes nothing.
It only serves to hurt and sometimes even destroy the people you love most. Suicide makes life that much harder on the survivors, who are now forced to pick up the wreckage you’ve left behind, while further burdening them with guilt. It’s the coward’s way out.
If you’re incarcerated and serving a long sentence (or even a short one), there will be days when you feel down and depressed. Days when you think you just can’t go on. After nearly 26 years inside, I speak from experience.
Know you’re not alone.
Even out in the world, there are many people who share your feelings of hopelessness and despair. Many people who are outwardly successful – even rich and famous people – feel as if there’s nothing to live for.
Maybe you think there’s no way you’ll ever possibly make it through another five, ten, twenty, or even fifty years. Thousands of people in this country face decades behind bars. But even short sentences can play havoc on emotions.
I once had a newly-arrived inmate come to me seeking advice. Within seconds of introducing himself, this man broke down in tears. “I just don’t think I can make it,” he cried, with a look of abject despair.
“Well, how long do you have?” I asked. Judging from his despondency, I expected an answer of at least a decade.
“Nine months,” came his reply.
The point is, if you’re the one serving it, if you’re the one separated from your spouse, friends, or children, any sentence is a long sentence.
Rule number one – never give up.
Maybe you feel you really can’t do another five, ten, or twenty years. The good news, my friend, is you don’t have to. The only thing you have to do right now, is follow rule number two.
Rule number two – get through today. Survive.
Because if you can just make it through today, if you can survive the day ahead, chances are, when you wake up tomorrow, things might not look quite so hopeless. But if they do? Go back to Rule Number One.
Here’s a list of ten things that are guaranteed to help you make it through today. Things that can help you shake off the despair you may be feeling right now.
- Get up and move. Do twenty-five push-ups. Or a hundred jumping jacks. Or fifty pushups. If you can’t do fifty, do what you can do. Nothing beats exercise for fighting off depression. The hardest thing is starting. Once you get past the inertia, it begins to get easier.
- Clean something – your cell. The tier. Your laundry. And every time you scrub something, visualize your mind and heart being cleansed of hatred, bitterness, or resentments.
- Find an elderly inmate, and ask them if they need help with anything. Maybe their cell needs cleaning, maybe they need a letter written. Whatever it may be, do it with a smile.
- Write a letter to a loved one or friend on the street, telling them how much you love and appreciate them.
- Write a list of ten things you’re thankful for. If you can’t think of ten, make it five. Or even one.
- Find an inmate with a drug problem, and tell them there’s a better way. If you yourself have a drug problem, find another inmate who shares your desire to get sober, and make an agreement – a partnership – to help one another in your endeavor to gain and maintain sobriety.
- Make a list of five goals you’d like to accomplish before you get out of prison.
- Make a list of five goals you’d like to accomplish after your release from prison.
- Make a list of five ways your life could be worse. This will help you put things in perspective, and see that perhaps things aren’t as bad as you thought they were.
- Pray or meditate – sit calmly and focus on your breathing for a few minutes. Then send thoughts of loving kindness to a loved one, or even better, to someone you don’t particularly like. You’ll be amazed at the results.
So when you feel like giving up, always always remember the true secret of happiness – helping and serving others. There’s always someone worse off than yourself. If you can find that person, and help them in some small way, in the process you will find you have helped yourself as much as you’ve helped them.