Hard Lesson – Three
Quitting is not an Option
For those of you who think suicide is some sort of noble deed requiring great courage, I say this: Killing yourself accomplishes nothing.
It only serves to hurt and sometimes even destroy the people you love most. Suicide makes life that much harder on the survivors, who are now forced to pick up the wreckage you’ve left behind, while further burdening them with guilt. It’s the coward’s way out.
If you’re incarcerated and serving a long sentence (or even a short one), there will be days when you feel down and depressed. Days when you think you just can’t go on. After nearly 26 years inside, I speak from experience.
Know you’re not alone.
Even out in the world, there are many people who share your feelings of hopelessness and despair. Many people who are outwardly successful – even rich and famous people – feel as if there’s nothing to live for.
Maybe you think there’s no way you’ll ever possibly make it through another five, ten, twenty, or even fifty years. Thousands of people in this country face decades behind bars. But even short sentences can play havoc on emotions.
I once had a newly-arrived inmate come to me seeking advice. Within seconds of introducing himself, this man broke down in tears. “I just don’t think I can make it,” he cried, with a look of abject despair.
“Well, how long do you have?” I asked. Judging from his despondency, I expected an answer of at least a decade.
“Nine months,” came his reply.
The point is, if you’re the one serving it, if you’re the one separated from your spouse, friends, or children, any sentence is a long sentence.
Rule number one – never give up.
Maybe you feel you really can’t do another five, ten, or twenty years. The good news, my friend, is you don’t have to. The only thing you have to do right now, is follow rule number two.
Rule number two – get through today. Survive.
Because if you can just make it through today, if you can survive the day ahead, chances are, when you wake up tomorrow, things might not look quite so hopeless. But if they do? Go back to Rule Number One.
Here’s a list of ten things that are guaranteed to help you make it through today. Things that can help you shake off the despair you may be feeling right now.
- Get up and move. Do twenty-five push-ups. Or a hundred jumping jacks. Or fifty pushups. If you can’t do fifty, do what you can do. Nothing beats exercise for fighting off depression. The hardest thing is starting. Once you get past the inertia, it begins to get easier.
- Clean something – your cell. The tier. Your laundry. And every time you scrub something, visualize your mind and heart being cleansed of hatred, bitterness, or resentments.
- Find an elderly inmate, and ask them if they need help with anything. Maybe their cell needs cleaning, maybe they need a letter written. Whatever it may be, do it with a smile.
- Write a letter to a loved one or friend on the street, telling them how much you love and appreciate them.
- Write a list of ten things you’re thankful for. If you can’t think of ten, make it five. Or even one.
- Find an inmate with a drug problem, and tell them there’s a better way. If you yourself have a drug problem, find another inmate who shares your desire to get sober, and make an agreement – a partnership – to help one another in your endeavor to gain and maintain sobriety.
- Make a list of five goals you’d like to accomplish before you get out of prison.
- Make a list of five goals you’d like to accomplish after your release from prison.
- Make a list of five ways your life could be worse. This will help you put things in perspective, and see that perhaps things aren’t as bad as you thought they were.
- Pray or meditate – sit calmly and focus on your breathing for a few minutes. Then send thoughts of loving kindness to a loved one, or even better, to someone you don’t particularly like. You’ll be amazed at the results.
So when you feel like giving up, always always remember the true secret of happiness – helping and serving others. There’s always someone worse off than yourself. If you can find that person, and help them in some small way, in the process you will find you have helped yourself as much as you’ve helped them.
Hard Lesson – One
Truth About Happiness
Many people – especially addicts and alcoholics – have somehow come to the misguided conclusion that we’re supposed to always be happy.
We always want to feel good. No matter what the circumstances. We’re always craving that next hit, that next drink, and next slice of chocolate cake.
For many it’s a constant struggle to perpetually feel good. We’re always on the lookout for the next new way to get high and feel good. As if feeling good were the end-all be-all of existence. We search in vain, high and low, for the secret to happiness.
But the secret to happiness begins with the knowledge that we weren’t put here just to be happy. We were not put on this earth merely to feel good. We were put here to learn, to grow, and to evolve.
And the funny thing – the miraculous thing – is that the more we learn, the more we grow and evolve, the more we find ourselves wanting to help others.
And the more we begin to help others, the more we find that, lo and behold, we ourselves are made happy in the process.
By putting others before self, through the path of service to others, we then find the true secret to happiness.
Enough is Enough
Sit down, my son — please lend me your ear.
Lately, you’ve taken a wrong turn, I fear,
But I won’t criticize you or take you to task,
I only have one simple question to ask.
Have you had enough nightlife and glamour and thrills?
Have you had enough problems with paying your bills?
Have you had enough cocaine and whiskey and pills?
Have you had enough puking and headaches and chills?
Have you hurt enough loved ones — thrown away enough years?
Have you killed enough brain cells — or cried enough tears?
Have you had enough suffering or lost enough friends?
Have you felt enough pain now — is this where it ends?
Or would you like to keep smashing your head thru the wall?
Do you like it in prison — are you having a ball?
How ‘bout some cirrhosis, hepatitis, or AIDS?
A bloody old needle? Now, don’t be afraid!
Have you had enough black-outs and car wrecks and jail?
Have you had enough courtrooms and lawyers and bail?
I know what you’re thinking: “Dad, leave me alone!”
“I’m not a kid anymore — can’t you see that I’m grown?”
Well, forgive me, my son, if my love is too tough.
I just thought you should know that,
“Enough is enough!”
Spencer Lane Adams
—
05/29/2020
Thus Spoke the Lord
Do you love me, Father?
“I love you, my son.”
Then grant me my will.
“Free will, I give to thee.”
Thus spoke the Lord.
And it’s mine to use as I please?
“Why no,” replied my Father,
“Reproof, I will also give to thee.”
Reproof? I asked my Father,
Please explain that word to me,
“It’s a rod to guide your ways, my son,
“That you’ll more clearly see.”
A rod? I asked my father,
You’ve confused me once again.
“It is a punishment to lead you,
“Back to me again.”
Thus spoke the Lord.
Yet how shall I discern this rod?
Asked I unto the Lord.
“It is a pain that you shall feel,
but yet, in time, a pain that heals.”
Thus spoke the Lord.
Yet time and time again, I felt that pain
I heard His voice. And yet I took no heed,
Because I thought it was my choice.
“Listen closely,” said my Father,
As I now bowed down in sorrow.
“It is not pain I wish to give,
“But yet a lesson for tomorrow,
That you might yet still learn to live.”
“For when I granted you free will,
I did not wish for it to be,
That you would walk in darkness, son,
Or stray so far from me.
For I gave you will to freely choose,
And thus be truly free,
To choose what’s right, and shun the wrong,
And turn your heart to me.
Thus spoke the Lord.
My Lord spoke it unto me.
Spencer Lane Adams
What Path Are You On?
So where are you on your path?
Are you choosing to focus on what is positive and most productive in your life?
On creating, building, and contributing to society and those around you?
On love, friendship, and harmony with the people around you?
May we daily utilize our God-given intelligence to make the right choices. May we see each and every day as an opportunity. An opportunity to redeem ourselves from past mistakes.
And if, in the past, we have harmed ourselves through poor choices, or the darkness of addiction, may we now see clearly the hurt we have caused ourselves and society, and therefore choose the higher path of sobriety and integrity.
Let us, from this day forth, put the past behind us, and choose light over darkness, truth over lies, and life over death.