Hard Lesson – Five
Maybe It's Good
Many times when something bad happens to us – getting fired from a job, getting denied entry from the university of your choice, a car breaking down, you name it – there is something is going on behind the scenes that we can’t see. And in the end, what we thought was bad, ends up being good.
The bible, in Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
Once, a long time ago, there was a farmer who had a prize stallion – the fastest and most beautiful horse in the kingdom. One day the horse ran away.
The farmer’s neighbor, always eager to put in his two cents, said to the farmer when he heard the news, “You’ve lost your best horse! That’s terrible!”
The farmer barely seemed to notice. “Maybe it’s bad,” he said. “Maybe it’s good.”
Weeks later, the stallion returned of it’s own accord, running back into his own corral, and with him brought an entire heard of mares he’d gathered to himself while out in the wild.
When the neighbor saw the farmer’s apparent good fortune, he exclaimed, “My goodness, man! You’ll be the richest man in the kingdom with all those horses! That’s wonderful!”
“Maybe it’s good. Maybe it’s bad.” said the farmer.
A few weeks later, the farmer’s oldest son was breaking one of the new horses, when he was thrown, fracturing a leg in the process.
The neighbor came to console the farmer. “My, my, my!” he tutted. “You’ve lost your best hand now. That’s terrible!”
The farmer smiled. “Maybe it’s bad. Maybe it’s good.”
A week later, a war began with a neighboring kingdom. The king’s officials came through, conscripting the oldest male of every household. But when seeing the farmer’s son laid up with a broken leg, they passed on to the next household.
Since we never know what our future holds, we should always refrain from passing a negative judgement on something that happens to us, no matter how bad it may seem. To pass judgement on something we know nothing about shows a lack of critical thinking, not to mention such negative thinking often leads to anger and depression, both of which are bad for your health.
And there’s yet another reason not to prejudge something that happens to you as bad.
According to researchers at Cornell University, our minds find it easier to find evidence which confirms our judgements, rather than evidence that dis-confirms it, a phenomenon, called confirmation bias. So once we’ve judged a situation as bad, that conclusion will then cause us to perceive our life in a way that confirms our negative outlook.
The truth is, we never know what the future holds. The thing you dread now, that thing you must be dragged through, kicking and screaming, might just be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Over a year ago, I was denied compassionate release. The court’s denial meant that instead of getting immediate release from prison due to the Covid pandemic, I would have to serve the remaining four years of my sentence. It was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to go through.
Nothing good, I thought, could possibly come from such a situation. For months, I was inconsolable.
And then, lo and behold, as a direct result of getting my motion denied, I met the most wonderful woman in the world. That woman is now my wife. Had my motion been granted, I would have never met this woman. God truly works in mysterious ways.
We cannot know what He has in store for us.
But if we are patient, if we accept with gratitude and an open heart the things He has set before us, we will often find that in the end, what we thought was a painful loss, was in reality, a supreme gain.
Hard Lesson – Four
Tomorrow Isn't Guaranteed
How many times have I heard it?
“When I get out of prison, I’m going to study this, or learn to do that.”
“When I get out, I’m going to turn over a new leaf.”
“I’ll change when I get out. I’ll do this or that, when I get out.”
I once had a celly, named Roy “Big Moe” Moe.
Big Moe lived for riding motorcycles. A couple of years before his release, Roy began making plans. His brother was having a pair of custom motorcycles made just for them. They planned to spend several years touring the United States with a large RV and a trailer on the back pulling the bikes. The plan was to hit all the big sights – The Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Yellowstone. During the day they’d tour around on the bikes, while at night they’d sleep like kings in the RV.
For months it was all my celly talked about. He had pictures of the bike as it was being built. The pictures were his talisman. He carried them with him wherever he went on the yard, showing them to anyone who was interested.
It was pure joy watching him – the look in his eyes.
There wasn’t a soul on that prison yard who didn’t envy Big Moe.
Roy was so excited he barely slept that final night. On the day of his release, when I said goodbye, I told him, “remember me when the wind is in your hair.”
That morning, Roy’s brother drove up to the prison in the RV, with the two custom bikes on the trailer. Roy backed his bike off the trailer right there in the parking lot.
We couldn’t see him, but I was standing outside in the yard with several other inmates. We listened as Roy revved his bike and rode it around the parking lot several times before heading off down the highway, with his brother trailing behind in the motor home.
We all had this dreamy far-away look in our eyes, and there wasn’t a man among us who wouldn’t have gladly traded places with Roy that day.
Approximately thirty minutes later, in a small town called Carnes City, an old woman pulled out in front of Roy, and there was a terrible accident. Roy was life-flighted to San Antonio, but passed away two days later in University Hospital.
That was the day I stopped living for some ideal day in the far-off future, when I’d finally get back to that mythical free-world. Many inmates spend years fantasizing about that day, as if it’s guaranteed. But just like outside, people in prison get sick and die all the time.
Tomorrow is never guaranteed.
So if you’re incarcerated, and you find yourself wasting too much time on television or slamming dominoes, it might be time to stop counting the days and start making the days count. Make a conscious effort to appreciate everything you have left, rather than worrying about everything you’ve lost.
Start reading everything you can get your hands on – history, philosophy, psychology, religion. Learn something. Study something. While you may never get to apply it in the real world, you’ll learn something valuable: That learning and knowledge don’t have to be applied to have value.
Study and knowledge have their own intrinsic worth.
Learning for the sake of learning can itself be valuable.
It’s fine to make plans. I highly recommend it. But never forget, all we have is today.
A Letter to the Incarcerated
Advice From Beyond From My Father
In 2018, I had a dream. Several months after my father passed away, he appeared to me in a dream. He spoke to me for several minutes, and as soon as the dream ended, I woke up, and as fast as I could, wrote down what he’d told me as best as I could recall it. The things he told me could apply to almost any inmate in prison in this country. This was what he said.
“Look at yourself, Son. Ask yourself – What’s this life all about? Look around you. What motivates you? What’s important to you? Look how small-minded and petty it all is.
Will you ever break free?
Not just from the outer, physical, prison. But from the prison inside you? The prison of sickness and disease?
And if it IS a sickness, who or what can cure you?
If you were released tomorrow, what would happen to you?
Freed from your physical prison, you’d carry around your spiritual prison like a ball and chain. Listen to me. For once in your life, listen to me.
Now is the time. If not now, when?
You have the strength and power within.
You need only make up your mind.
Is this what you want? Is this how it all ends?
You need to dig deep. Reach down. And rise above all of this. There’s nothing more to it.
You must prepare yourself for freedom. Otherwise, it will kill you.
Do you want a life beyond this place? Do you wish to move beyond this petty existence and into the real world? Or are you comfortable where you are? I hope you want something more out of life. I hope you aspire to more than this. You must free yourself, so what when you’re released, you will be truly free.
The world beyond is going through birth pangs of its own. You must be ready, Son. Or you will not survive.”
I’ve carried these words around with me, on a piece of paper that’s now so worn it’s literally falling to pieces. I wanted to share them with inmates out there, as words to consider. Or even words to live by, particularly for those nearing release.
It is my hope that someone, somewhere, will read these words, take them to heart, and above all, put them into practice.
Because for many inmates, the “freedom” awaiting them on the other side of the fence, is not true freedom.
The years they’ve spent inside have often been wasted playing cards, reading trashy novels, or watching endless hours of television. Instead of getting better, they while away the the years growing bitter. Blaming their troubles on everyone from their parents to their eighth grade math teachers, they often refuse to turn inside to the real origin of their problems.
If you’re one of those people, and you’re reading this now, it’s not too late. It’s never too late.
If you are tired of what you see when you look around you, tired of the pettiness of life inside prison, then maybe it’s time to turn inward. To dig deep, and begin to rise above. It all starts with you. Right now.
If not now, when?
Spencer Lane Adams